Why Self-Love is So Important

By: Kathy Best-Gibson, February 22, 2020, updated September 10, 2025 with ChatGPT help

I’ve been on my spiritual growth and conscious living path for over two decades now and one of the toughest lessons for me to learn was recognizing and accepting the fact that I was teaching others how to treat me. I wasn’t always the super nice girl, in fact when I was in my teens and early twenties I often times felt like a victim and walked around judging and blaming others for my fear, anger, resentment, frustration, and failure. I didn’t really become the nice girl, the “yes” girl, until I started trying to make up for my past behavior and shift my perception of myself and the world.

When I first started this journey I thought that I needed to atone for being self-centered, inconsiderate, and judgmental by becoming the girl who would help anyone, anytime, with anything no matter what it took from me emotionally, physically or financially. I would act out of guilt or a feeling that I wouldn't be seen as a “good” person if I wasn't always giving, giving, giving of myself. I told myself I was doing something nice and this was helping me become a better person, but I could never figure out why it always felt more like a burden that drained me of my energy and my well-being. I would offer to do favors for people who I really didn’t enjoy spending time with, or agree to help people I knew were taking advantage of me, because I simply lacked the courage to set boundaries or say no. I became the constant people pleaser because I couldn’t stand the idea that someone didn’t like me.

Perhaps my greatest lesson lay in my romantic relationships. I always dated guys that I felt needed to be fixed in some way. I made it my challenge and mission to fix them. No matter how hard I tried it never worked out the way I planned; and the toll it took on me left me completely drained in every area of my life. I eventually understood that I wasn't being authentic or true to myself and I wasn't really helping anyone by obsessing over and trying to solve their perceived problems. It took me a long time to realize that to truly be of service to others I had to take care of myself first, so that I had the energy, reserves, and resilience to give others what they needed.

It was part of my conditioning that taught me I was only valuable if I was giving or doing something for someone else. That same conditioning is causing millions of people to develop chronic fatigue syndrome, depression, anxiety, addictions, and a host of other symptoms that can lead to mental and physical breakdowns. How can anyone help another if they have no energy, no resources, no self-esteem, no direction, and no self-love? I couldn't. I had to learn to put myself first and be okay with disappointing people, hurting people’s feelings, and having people not like me. One of the best things that came out of the shift in my behavior was accepting myself just as I am and not needing approval or validation from others in order to know that I have worth and I matter.

💖 The Importance of Self-Love: Why It’s the Foundation of Everything

We hear it all the time: “You have to love yourself.”
But what does that really mean?

Is it self-care? Is it confidence? Is it indulgent?

In a world that pushes constant productivity, comparison, and perfectionism, self-love isn’t just a feel-good trend — it’s a radical act of healing and empowerment. And more importantly, it’s the foundation for a truly healthy life: physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

🌱 What Is Self-Love, Really?

Self-love isn’t arrogance or ego. It’s not about thinking you’re better than anyone else.

Self-love is the practice of honoring, accepting, and caring for yourself with compassion — exactly as you are.
It means:

• Listening to your needs without guilt

• Setting boundaries that protect your peace

• Speaking kindly to yourself

• Honoring your emotions without judgment

• Believing you're worthy — without needing to prove it

Self-love says: "I matter, just as I am."

🧠 The Science of Self-Love

It might sound spiritual or abstract, but self-love is backed by real science.

Studies have found that people who practice self-compassion and self-acceptance experience:

✅ Lower levels of anxiety and depression
✅ Better immune function and reduced stress hormones
✅ Stronger resilience in relationships and adversity
✅ Healthier lifestyle choices and habits

One study published in the journal Health Psychology found that people with high self-compassion were more likely to engage in consistent exercise, better sleep, and mindful eating — not out of guilt, but because they truly cared for their well-being.

When you love yourself, your inner critic softens, your body feels safer, and your choices align with respect rather than punishment.

🌊 Why Self-Love Is So Hard for So Many

Let’s be real: self-love doesn’t come easy for most of us.

Many of us grew up in environments where love felt conditional — tied to performance, appearance, or approval. Over time, we internalized these messages:

• “I’ll be enough when I lose weight.”

• “I can rest after I prove myself.”

• “Being hard on myself is how I stay motivated.”

But here’s the truth: shame is not a sustainable fuel source. It keeps you small, exhausted, and disconnected from your authentic self.

Self-love is about rewriting that inner script.

💞 The Benefits of Practicing Self-Love

When you cultivate self-love — daily, gently, imperfectly — everything shifts:

✨ You become more resilient under stress
✨ Your boundaries get clearer (and easier to stick to)
✨ You attract healthier relationships
✨ Your inner dialogue becomes your safe space
✨ You begin to live with intention, not obligation

Self-love doesn’t solve every problem, but it changes the way you meet those problems — with grace instead of criticism, compassion instead of collapse.

🌟 How to Start Loving Yourself More (Even If It Feels Awkward)

Self-love is not a one-time decision. It's a daily practice. Try starting with just one of these:

• Talk to yourself like a best friend. Notice your self-talk. Would you say that to someone you love?

• Take care of your body out of love, not punishment. Move, rest, and nourish in ways that feel kind.

• Celebrate progress, not perfection. You’re growing — that’s enough.

• Set boundaries that honor your energy. “No” can be a powerful act of self-respect.

• Forgive yourself. You’re not meant to be flawless — you’re meant to be human.

🧘‍♀️ Final Thought: You Are Already Worthy

Self-love isn’t something you earn after hitting your goals.
It’s the starting point, not the finish line.

No matter where you are on your journey, you are already enough. You are already deserving of your own kindness, patience, and care.

So go gently today.
Check in with yourself.
Take a breath, put your hand on your heart, and say:
“I’m doing my best — and that is enough.”

You are worthy of your own love. Right now. As you are.